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Expect

Expect

I usually try to brace myself for the bad.  It will be easier that way.  My mind expects that things will go awry.  Wrenches will be thrown.  The law of entropy evident. Things won't turn out the way I hoped they would. 
If I am ready and deal ahead of time with the disappointment my hope won't be crushed.  It will somehow be handled.
It's a form of protection. A way to steel oneself against hope deferred. 
Don't expect something and I will not be disappointed by the absence of it.
Recently I had my usual lack of great expectations challenged.
There was a possibility of opportunity.
Months earlier I had made some suggestions about ways to improve a program. I wasn't planning to be part of the solution, but I felt like somethings should change.
A few months later I'm asked to be part of the solution.  I agree, surprised by the invitation.
I wasn't expecting the invitation.
Months pass and I'm unsure of where this will go.
What's next?
I resolve to not be disappointed if this doesn't go further.  If my time of assisting ends.  Yet the possibility of more to the story hangs out in the edges of my mind.  The idea has been loosely discussed that perhaps there will be more to my part in this story.
I start to pray.  Tentatively. 
The future being spoken of doesn't seem to fit me. It's a possibility I don't feel suited for, but I resign to try if I'm offered.  I'm willing to give it my best, yet within me I know that it isn't well suited for me...
But what if?...
I let my heart form a hope.  It's improbable but I imagine just how I could fit into this puzzle.  The piece I am most crafted to fill.  The piece of the puzzle that fits me well.
I pray haltingly because it is altogether unlikely and I'd rather not get my hopes up.  After all the way I see my life I'm just blessed to be here.  God owes me nothing and neither does anyone else.  I won't boldly ask for what I want, I'll just whisper my hope, hushed.
Weeks pass by and people ask me what I'll be doing next? More of the same? Something different? 
"I don't know" I say, "But I'm praying that whatever it is it will fit me."
One afternoon I'm asked the question again and I decide to be bold, go straight to the source, and ask what's next. Has anything been decided? Nailed down? I dare to voice how I could fit best.
The answer blows me away.
Exactly what I wished. It had already been decided, and now I am given the invitation. I had never expected my quiet hopes to match God's plans.
As weeks pass by and plans are laid out, I see even more how it fits me.
Things that I hadn't even planned, but would have had I hoped it would happen.
My hope I was scared to fully wish for. 
I'm given.
Down to every detail.

God extravagantly gifted me with exceeding my expectations and extending me an invitation to the desire of my heart. It seemed a bit out of order.
After all it wasn't an opportunity I had ever believed I would get. Sure, I had felt the tug toward it, but never believed I would see it's fruition. It seemed out of order in the timetable of expected life events.  At least the way I had planned my life events. 
Bekah Jane Pogue writes about invitations in her book Choosing Real
"Being invited is one of the most humbling gifts to receive because it has nothing to do with us making the event happen and everything to do with showing up and choosing to be seen." 
She describes her shift from being the prolific party planner doing all of the inviting herself.  She discusses how this played out in  her every day.  Her ideas of faith rooted in her abilities, her orchestrating,  her making everything happen.  She describes this as her doing the inviting to her life. Instead of letting God be the inviter. 
What would it look like if she let God be the inviter and she simply RSVP's, "Yes."
She describes the shift like this, "What if we let God do the inviting?  What if you can let Him?  Let Him send the invitations...What if we let Him lay out the dreams He has placed within us since before time in the order He knows best?" 
When I was invited last month into the hope I had barely dared to hope for I experienced the wonder of God's invitation.  All the details taken care of Him.  By Him. Not me.
Sometimes what you are afraid to ask for, wish for, hope for is the thing that God gives you.  Perhaps in the life order that you never expected or would have foreseen. 
Sometimes our small expectations are swallowed up by God's loving invitations. 

www.fiveminutefriday.com


Comments

  1. We are partners for the FMF word - EXPECT - this week! I published mine late...as usual! Sometimes the word hits me and words flow freely - in my mind! I don't always get them written and published. Hoping to do better!!

    Loved reading of your expectations and how you prayed for what you felt was the perfect fit. We don't always know that! But, HE certainly does! Keep praying and keep "expecting"!!

    Thank you for sharing through the FMF community!

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  2. Somer, isn't God amazing? He has this way of exceeding our most secret of hopes. It sounds like He's moving you in an exciting direction! I struggle to find the balance between not hoping for things at all for fear of disappointment and laying my hopes out there before God, and sometimes before others as well. How exciting that He heard your secret hopes and took them a few steps further. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I understand your feeling here: "It's a form of protection. A way to steel oneself against hope deferred." But trusting God with all my expectations has breathed new hope into my life. #17 at FMF this week.

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