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Showing posts from April, 2017

The sound of her voice

"I hear Moriah. I just love her voice.  I heard it down the hall." Smiles bend the edges of my friend's eyes.
I nod in agreement. "Me too."
I smile. I love Moriah's voice too.
My mom has said the same words.
About her voice.

I like the way her voice follows me around the house chattering about this and that.
When she walks down the steps after sleeping soundly, golden hair messy spilling down around her  face.
Her eyes full mocha moons.
"Let me tell you about my great dream." Her eyes fully rounded for dramatic effect as her voice carries me through a ten minute dream.
"How was your great dream?" She asks into my morning.
I laugh.
Maybe that's why I  love  Moriah's voice. The pleasant sound of her voice married to her astounding positivity.
I've never met a more positive person.
I suppose that's possibly because she's four.
I don't know though.
There isn't much pouting or complaining.
After the occas…


I remember the velvet box my sweet friend Stacie handed me for my birthday.  It was high school sophomore year I think.  I was turning sixteen.  Opening the box revealed a simple necklace. A tiny dot of brown yellow encapsulated in a circular piece of glass hanging on a silver chain.
I don't remember if I cocked my head to the side and looked at the necklace quizzically.  But I do know Stacie explained to me that the tiny fleck of gold was actually a mustard seed.
"It's a mustard seed.  You know like the one in the Bible.  Where a tiny seed of faith will actually grow to be one of the largest trees." She smiled at me.
I remember with joy hugging her and slipping it around my neck.  I know where I could find it now.  Sixteen years later.  It's somewhere tucked in the closet that is still filled with prom dresses, mystery books, and all of my yearbooks in my parents house. I'm pretty positive it rests In one of my memento filled shoe b…

Babies & Spring

Spring makes me think of babies.  Despite the fact that there are no spring birthdays in our house.  I think its because animals have babies in the spring right?
Or maybe because everything feels newly birthed after the travail of winter. 
Perhaps for me it's because I remember my first spring with my first baby, Meredith.
Meredith was born in the depths of January.  Nine years ago.  I remember staying cooped up in my house for several weeks.  After a traumatic birth and extended hospital stay, I was met with a dark an unexpected bout with post partum depression. I ached for spring.  When Spring broke through the bleak slate of winter I felt hope.
I remember that spring because I forced myself outside as much as possible with my new baby.  I needed natural things like sunshine and fresh grass to bring me back to life.  I had never experienced until that point that depth of personal darkness. A darkness I couldn't break on my own.  I tried to be brave and pretend all was wel…

Lemonade Afternoons & Dandelion Evenings

Yesterday was the perfect spring day.  Sky crisply blue with tissue paper clouds torn and scattered all over the sky at just the right spots.  Everything bright and brilliant. Vivid spring flowers dotted the countryside as we drove country roads going home from a field trip.  Yellow weeds highlighting all of the pasture land. It's the time of year when grass is new and deeply green. 
My two youngest and I had just went on a field trip with preschool. The baby lulled to sleep and Moriah sang quiet songs to herself as we drove home.  When we reached one of the main roads home I found myself turning right instead of left. I had a lot of housework to do and dinner to make before everyone else got home.
But I felt restless and decided to go see my mom.
I whispered to Moriah, "If Pimmy  (what they call their grandma) isn't here we won't be staying," I wanted to make sure that she wouldn't have a melt down if we pulled up to the fun house and didn't stay.  I …