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Showing posts from January, 2016

Let it Go...

Let it go is a common phrase lately.  If you have a young daughter it was the reoccurring theme song in your car belted out with five year old abandon a couple of years ago when we were all Frozen and then refrozen again and again.  
However, this little phrase is ripe with wisdom too. I'm good at letting things go that others don't.  I don't have to have everything in order or planned out.  Never have.  I don't have to make things perfect to feel at ease.  But there's a few things that I simply cannot let go.  I don't have to appear perfect.  But I cannot let relationships go.  Very difficult.  I have a very hard time writing people off or staying mad at them.  I cannot seem to give up on situations that seem impossible or even on people that I really have no business worrying about.  I have a difficult time giving up on someone's story when it seems so fractured and they've wanted me as a listening ear.  And that has deeply cost me. It's always b…

Time

Most of us would like to go back into time.  To step back in the current of the past and be carried back.  For different reasons of course.
Sometimes it's to just squeeze the hand of a loved one long since gone. Sometimes it's to revisit a time of joy, a life highlight, a monumentous occasion. Sometimes it's to feel young and innocent again.  Sometimes and many times it's because we want to feel at home again.  We have lost ourselves along the way and going back in time seems the way to find Home, our soul's home.   And there is always this part that wants to go back to the every day of yesterday.  Things we knew were special, but never really knew as the days all puddled together and blurred by.  We know it now and we would like to renter an ordinary day of a different time in our lives. Just to experience that now special time again. To gather those moments and cherish them because we didn't at the time.
What about the desire to re enter time to redo the tim…

Past Grace

"Girls, come on" I'm kind of pleading at my tag alongs in the grocery store and as my eyes fast scan the aisles,  I see her.  Someone I knew many years ago.  My tongue trying to form her name while my brain tries to retrieve it. "Tanya?" I stammer.
Her familiar face marked with the same kindness and warmth.  Her eyes lit in recognition.  We had worked on the same floor of a rehabilitation center many years ago.  She was still working the same floor.
I stopped and asked her about my old friend, Dickey.  My friend I just knew no longer was on this earth.
"Oh no, He's alive.  We were just talking about you last week. He's been real sick."
My eyes widened.  I had never dreamed he was still there.

Dickey was so special to me.  A special man with the innocence of a child and a mental diagnosis that tormented him much of the time, but didn't inhibit his amazing memory.   I had loved strolling the halls with him and listening to his childlike b…

Prodigal Prayers

The electronic ding of my cell phone cut through one thirty clamor and reminded me...
Again...
It's time to pray...
Some days it would be quick and the same prayer.  A mantra that I would ask for...
For healing, restoration, and salvation for three....
I had committed a year to praying for three...
Every day at a set time...
Driving a stake in the sand and not leaving...
Some days it would be inconvenient and I would forget...
Some days I'd curl up in the floor and be more earnest..
Some days I would mumble the prayers with my hands submerged in dirty dishes and sometimes I'd include my kids in the prayers out loud as we whisked around town...

It seemed so normal, scheduled, and really unexciting.
I had joined hands and hearts with three people too, but some fell out along the way....
Things really didn't seem to change much.

And then.....

They did. Slowly.
God was working and I didn't know.  The year concluded and honestly I slipped into a funk of my own.  I was…