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Showing posts from March, 2015

Break, Five Minute Fridays

Linking up with Kate at Heading Home to write about one word for five minutes...

Break

When this five letter word flashed on my screen as the word prompt I smiled wryly.  It's the summation of how I've felt, how I described myself to my husband earlier this week.
"I'm just broken right now."

Sometimes you can hold everything together (or believe you can and make everyone else believe it too)  for so long that when you finally start cracking it's like a dam that finds its outlet in a million cracks.
I remember feeling the whispers that it was coming back in the fall.  Just different issues arising to the surface of my life, one by one leaking out pain, fears, worry, or misperceptions.  Trying to plug those holes seemed impossible because it seemed that they were arising in every direction.
I remember telling a friend, "I feel very vulnerable right now."
And i remember thinking over and over, "Why now?"
I have thought many times over the…

Wrestle

Linking up with Holley Gerth at http://holleygerth.com to talk about perfectionism and being free of it.  Her new book discusses this topic in depth, Your Loved No Matter What:Freeing Your Heart From the Need to Be Perfect. You can find out more about it at http://holley-gerth.myshopify.com/products/loved.

The question this week is, "What's your story of wrestling with trying to be perfect?  How is God setting you free?"  

I grew up with that equation that says perfect living is equal to holy living.  They seemed to be the same.  I know my parents meant well and still do.  I know they only wanted the best and wanted my sister and I to do our best.  But all those rules and all those goals and all of that trying hard determined to do your best always in every thing equals a distorted view of grace.
It is a concept I truly never ever understood with those big navy blue eyes looking out of my child face.
I would hear about the deep, wide grace of God, but my heart never kn…

Perfect

Holley Gerth's blog has been focused on her new book You Are Loved No Matter What.  This week her writing prompt asks this question, Where do you think pressure to be perfect comes from and what can we do about it?
Check out her new book and posts at Holley Gerth.
Here's my attempt to answer that question for me.  
I stand there in a layer of teal chiffon, sweet heart neckline revealing a little too much of my shoulders.  I fidget in the fluorescent light and I do not like what I see.  At all.  My shoulders look like a line backer and my mama chest now looks like I need a push up.  I wince.   "This is the dress I really like", she says and I nod.   But I can tell by the look in her eyes that she doesn't like what she sees.  Her vision didn't match reality with me.  She decides against the dress but says a cutting comment about how it would look okay on some of the other bridesmaids but not me.  Because I'm a mama three times over and I don't look the …

Honest

Joining Holley Gerth at http://holleygerth.com

Life threads themes through our lives.  Usually they run parallel.  A few lessons God is trying to weave into the thick cord of our soul and He uses different skeins of thread to do so.

Different seasons bring different themes and some of those lessons are much easier and pleasant than others.
Have you ever been through a painful season?  One where the needle looped with thread pierces and leaves you wanting to escape.  To leave this part of the piece undone, unfinished?

We all have.
I feel like God has been doing a lot of opening and revealing the past year and it has stung me. Not all of it has been things I need to change or do differently.  Many things are perhaps misperceptions or burdens I'm supposed to shed.  But it's been hard not to squirm, writhe...run.

Congruent to this has been common threads of vulnerability. Learning how to be.  Letting myself expose my weaknesses.  Ask for help. Lastly to be honest.

Honest about …