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Five Minute Friday Hold

It's time for five minutes of writing with Kate at The word is Hold.

Holding.  I do a lot of that these days.  I've been doing that for six years now.  Seven Septembers ago I remember standing stock still, thunderstruck feeling the first utero kick.  I guess I had somehow never acknowledged the flutters.  My initiation was a hardy kick and I can still remember where I was standing at my old job when I first felt it. The way my face beamed amazement as I walked back up to my wing at the nursing home I worked at.  My utter shock that a living being was somersaulting inside me.  Its an amazing feeling.  One that makes me so glad I am a woman.

For all those nine months and two pregnancies after that my skin has stretched out and safely held three babies.  Despite the fact that my outer appearance is less beautiful, I have seen it multiply from me as I have held literal life beauty within me.  I'm a different beautiful, because I've been full of beauty, from within.

I remember the first moment despite my copious amounts of anesthesia post c section holding my first baby.  I remember the way my tears blurred the edges and everyone seemed to fade in the background as I nestled my new baby and sang to her (yes, anesthesia makes me do some strange things).  I remember the way her tiny ears peaked out of the baby pink and blue cap and I marveled.

I've been holding all along ...
Holding through out colicky nights, holding blonde hair back for upset stomaches and trips to the bathroom, holding babies in the bathroom with thick steam fogging comfort back into coughing throats, holding hands to cross sidewalks, holding dangling legs as they navigate monkey bars, close holding when the tears flow...And even the joys and labors of holding through all those nursing sessions
That's something I would never trade about being a mother.  All of those up close and personal moments that fill my arms with my girls and my heart with love.  I believe that holding them close speaks volumes and ends up holding their hearts.

It's interesting that the umbilical cord that linked my babies with me together transforms into heart strings that can't come untied, they just continue to unravel and lengthen as their journey leads them farther out into God's beautiful world.  I can always hold their heart, even when I can no longer hold them close.
Sometimes those who we spend our lives holding end up holding us. I remember early this year when the winter still iced down the earth.  I was driving in a moon drunk night, moon shine light all over the countryside. I remember after the ride my middle four year old telling me about the moon.  "God was holding the moon." She said plain as day.  As if it was not a fact to be disputed.  "Well how did you know?" I asked back into her child's heart.  She mimicked what she saw and then told me there were scars on the Hands that cradled the moon glow. I smiled big at her faith.  I don't doubt that she saw it. Sometimes the ones we hold end up holding us, physically as they wrap their growing arms around us and assure us that once in a while they like being our kids or even spiritually when their faith holds up ours in ways we would not have expected.

Lastly I am thankful for a God that never forsakes us or casts His children off and away.  Who says that even if our mother or father would forsake us, He will never.  Even if the ones that are supposed to hold us, nurture us, care deeply for us ...even if they don't, He will always.  We will always be held.


  1. My eyes watered up reading your post. My first born is in college this year and it seems like the moments you mentioned were just yesterday. Thank you for memories you just stirred up. They pass so quickly.

    1. Rita, thanks for your perspective. it is so hard to think about the quickly passing present that leaves you with memories. I know thats a hard season to be in.

  2. such sweet memories... i'm learning to treasure the times when my biggers will let me hold them these days... and still loving those snuggles from the baby who isn't such a baby any more.

  3. Beautiful post!! I am sure Moms from around the world can relate to this.
    A good read for me!


  4. Thank you Tanya for leaving me encouraging words :)


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