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Bedtime Conversations/ Loaded Conversations

If you know me, you know that my motherhood isn't very routine and times based.  Our lives are just a little out of the norm for that and we can't do "rigid" bedtimes.
And if you  know us, then you are also aware of the indefatigable daughter of ours, Meredith.  The oldest and the one who is my payback for all of the hours I stayed awake and did not sleep much to my parents annoyance...only Meredith is even more sleepless I believe.
She just doesn't need a whole lot of sleep.  Her mood isn't affected, she's sunny and cheerful and full of chatter, ideas, and imagination at any time of the day and deep into the dark night.

Here's an example of her ever probing mind even way past the normal kids bedtime.

Tonight I got them in bed early and I also laid down. Then a very Walton-esque moment occurred in which Meredith prayed a very sweet prayer loudly so that I could hear her and then she said her "Amen".  I smiled to myself and thought how truly pleasant it was to all be in bed earlier than normal and for her precious prayer that was quite lengthy and included many different people.

Then for the next 45 minutes I was in for mental gymnastics....
"Mommy?"
"Yes, Meredith..."
"Why do people marry?"
"Well," I explained, "They marry because they love each other."
"Ok.  Thats what I thought.  Is that why you and daddy married?"  that little five year old voice asked, wanting to make sure.
"Yes.  Thats why.  We had known each other and hung out for four years. "
"Thats a long time", she interrupted.
"Yes and then we decided we wanted to hang out for the rest of our lives.  So we got married.  And one day you probably will too.  One day you will love someone and probably marry."
I was quickly shut down.
"I'm not getting married, remember?"
"Oh yes thats right.  You told me." Inwardly i'm laughing because she's been telling me of her plans to never marry and to adopt one daughter of whom she will be naming Chinchilla (my poor future granddaughter) because she likes the way 'Chinchilla' sounds....

I finished that answer and shut my eyes....
"Mommy?"
"Yes Meredith?"  what question would come next?..
"How big is the sun?"
"Its much bigger than the earth. Its a star."
"Is it bigger than all the other ones?"  she questioned into the night....
"No honey.  Its actually a smaller one.  Beatleguese is a very large star."
"Oh... so are all of the stars like suns?"
"Yes, Meredith."
" So the sky is full of lots of suns?" she asks trying to figure it all out....
"Yes, Meredith only we do not call them all suns.  We call them stars."
"Oh okay," Little voice says..

I finally just go into her room and get under her covers with little sister.  Lots of shrieks of joy and excitement and exclamations of, "Snuggle time!"   and finally I insist that everyone be quiet and calm down.

Meredith looks out at the moon from her bed and with moon glow lighting up her cheeks she says, " Mom, I don't want to grow up."
I feel all warm and sentimental inside, this girl pulls on my sentimental heart strings regularly...
"Well me too," I said and was about to add something hopeful like, ' Of course you want to grow up and experience life and all of the adventures God has for you' but before I could offer that token of encouragement for her heart and mine...
 Meredith added, "Mom, I miss the old me.  And I miss the old you."
Inwardly i'm really smiling now and wondering when she is referring to.
"I miss you holding me like you did when I was a baby."  She smiles up at me and says.
"Me too," I smile back and hug her close.

Then like any logical next question, Little sister pops up and rolls her eyes and asks out of nowhere for me to explain the Trinity.
"Honey you cannot understand fully the Trinity.  But even though you can't understand it you can accept it.  Just like you don't understand how huge the galaxies are, but they still are" (this is my feeble attempt at almost 10 pm to explain yet another mind boggling question.)

And then one more question to end the night on...
I snuggle between two girls and Meredith the oldest wants to know how people come into being on this earth.   I think she actually said " how do they pop up?"  Interesting way to put it and a comical way to end the conversation... Well that my friends is a talk that we will not be having at almost 10 pm with a five year old and almost 4 year old.
"Its called reproduction.  God made plants, people, and animals with the ability to reproduce."  I then go onto inform her of ya know...grandparents, great grandparents, that she will be a parent (oh yeah i forgot about Chinchilla again....nevermind)
On that note I decide i'm heading back to my bed.
I give kisses and climb out of a bed inwhich I am entangled by two girls who don't want to let go.  I extract myself and hear , "Good bye old mom."  (I smile, I'm glad she's thinking of the old mom who used to hold her as a baby )
I hear my husband pipe in, "Your mom is not old.  She's young and you better be glad because if she was old she wouldn't be able to play with you."
Meredith astute as always quips back, "But my grandma is old and she plays."
"Girls go to sleep.  For real.  Schools tomorrow. Goodnight."

"Ok.  Goodnight", they chime.
I smile despite the fact that  bedtimes around these parts are time consuming and sometimes a big undertaking in and of themselves.  I can definitely smile about going to bed as "The old mom who  
held me when I was a baby".  Thanks for calling me "old" Meredith and I mean that.

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Morning

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Morning

Morning seems sacred to me.  Having nocturnal children kind of robs me of the mornings I like to enjoy in silence and quiet thought.
For years I would get up at least two hours before anyone so I could just be by myself and be quiet.
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Morning breaks the night.
I love that Cat Steven's hymn Morning has Broken.  I've always thought the words were so beautiful.
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