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Somer becoming Summer

 If you really know me you know that I am not the eternal optimist.  I try to be for other people, but in reality for myself I'm not.  Its always this outlook I've had that if I expect the worst or prepare for it, somehow I will be better off.  Where the notion came from, I don't know.  I just know its been an old dark friend hiding in the shadows of my mind since childhood. It is a companion with fear and doubt.  These three amigos I've fought against regularly.  I've decided though that I don't have to think like this.  I can embrace the good in my life and hope for the best or better in Christ.  I can laugh fully and I can dream.  I can realize the beauty and gifts all around me in the here and now and I can rejoice in the fact that they have come to me straight from the hands of God wrapped in His mercy and Love.  My name is Somer.  Despite my father's "unique" spelling of my name it means Summer.  Ever thought about the meaning of your name?  Maybe not, but I have.  I like knowing what a name means and it was very important to me when I contemplated the names of my three girls.  I gave a lot of thought not just to the sound, but to the meaning that would be attached to the name. Somer or Summer is really a light weight name upon first glance.  It sounds nice and breezy, but not a lot of depth.  Its not strong like my sisters' name Faith, deep with meaning and value.  Its not a name after a person or an ideal or belief.  When my mom named me that it was simply because she thought it sounded pretty and its a pleasant time of the year.  Recently, I realized that my name being Somer is somewhat laced with irony.  Most of my life I haven't been very "Summer".  When I think of Summer I think of a time of rest, growth, smiles, laughing kids, adventure, warmth, beauty, vibrant, radiant, excitement, energy, basically the most optimistic and fun time of year.  I suppose that is because all children cherish summers.  That time that is spent enjoying ones life fully outside with friends and family doing new things and making warm memories. I want to be that Summer.  I have lived in the thunderstorm plagued part of my name most of my life on the inside and hid it well.  Oh I knew it was there, always under the surface, but it could quickly be covered up.  Funny thing though, when you have kids and a husband its not so easily covered. They see all of your flaws and your defeats and most importantly your attitude.   So basically my resolution is this,  I am Somer trying to become Summer.  I am trying to become my name. For the past two years I've felt God calling me to embrace this eternal optimism found in Him and to recognize His love splashed and splattered all over the canvas of my life.  Perhaps Summer is a light weight name, but I want to live up to that name Mrs. Griffin gave me.  That season of life where Hope is in full bloom and sunshine is pouring out, where life is nurtured and where a harvest is ahead. 

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Morning

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Morning

Morning seems sacred to me.  Having nocturnal children kind of robs me of the mornings I like to enjoy in silence and quiet thought.
For years I would get up at least two hours before anyone so I could just be by myself and be quiet.
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Morning breaks the night.
I love that Cat Steven's hymn Morning has Broken.  I've always thought the words were so beautiful.
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